The path that led me here is a little out of the ordinary perhaps. Up until 2020 I had no experience or background in conservation, natural history, botany, birding or ecology. I read english and history at university and worked in various indoor roles including a decade or so in local government. My access to the outside world was limited to dog walks with my wife and family. Nevertheless I have always had favourite wooded or watery places in the county that I have known since childhood, and these have been a source of solace during difficult times, particularly more recently. 

This more recent difficulty was a mental health crisis, which at its worst involved acute anxiety, an inability to leave the house, or to speak coherently with anyone outside my immediate family. I was helped by medication and counselling, and increasingly by a growing sense of connection to wild places and things. This sense became gradually more manifest as I progressed. Pre-pandemic I would wait for my counselling session by sitting by a place known locally in Hereford as the duck pond. I saw a kingfisher there. Sometimes known as a halcyon, the term halcyon days in poetry is sometimes used to describe a period of calm weather bracketed by winter storms. While my personal storm abated during this period I experienced a further blow when my wife died suddenly in the autumn.

Not much prepares you to cope with a life event like a sudden death. I will find nothing more difficult or more painful than having to tell my sons that their mum was not coming home from hospital. However, as a consequence, the idea of following new paths and gaining new experiences lost their terror for me and this meant I was able to lift my head a little and look for opportunities. 

My children's schools were very supportive. I was touched when the Head Teacher at my youngest son's primary school called me into meet him and presented me with an envelope with money in it. A donation from the school community to be spent on something for the boys, whether it be an xbox or maybe a tree to remember Helen by. I contacted the Herefordshire Wildlife Trust and adopted a handsome beech at Queenswood. 

In the meantime I went to see the folk at Herefordshire Voluntary Organisation Support Services at the the suggestion of a friend, who in turn put me in touch with the Herefordshire Wildlife Trust. It was at this stage that I got involved with the gardening group. To my surprise the garden was based in an orchard off the beaten track at Queenswood, but hard by Helen's beech tree. I felt a strong sense of synchronicity about the experience, and was happy to join the group clearing the site and laying down a new path, and not just physically in the garden. I feel an affinity for the apple trees in the garden. They can be politely described as veteran. Most are hollowed and storm damaged. There are a number that have fallen and thrown out new suckers to re-root themselves. And all still bear fruit.

Volunteering in the garden was sadly disrupted by the lockdown, however it did lead to other opportunities including the trust's on-line Take Notice in Nature course, and when restrictions allowed I joined the Orchard Origins project making apple juice at Howton Court in the autumn and winter pruning in orchards in the new year.

When the volunteer reserve officer post was advertised I was keen to apply but wondered if my limited experience would be enough to secure a successful outcome. But I was successful, and delighted to be so. While the learning curve is steep I remain unintimidated, by which I mean I have found a new enthusiasm for the adventure and am determined to make the most of each experience in the knowledge that I am perhaps unlikely to have days more distressing than I already have had.

And the future? I have thrown out new suckers, re-rooted myself in the natural world and hope to bear blossom. Perhaps others can benefit from the fruit.